The following are my brief points of view on the quotes in this years inaugural November 30th edition of Dr. Gary Chapman’s
“The Love Language Minutes” newsletter.
Love is Learned
Marriage is designed by God to meet our deep need for intimacy and love. Again and again I have heard the words “Our love is gone, our relationship is dead. We used to feel close, but not now. We don’t meet each other’s needs.” Their stories bear testimony that their emotional love tanks are empty. Can these marriages be reborn? Absolutely! Because love is learned.
This is the 4th of a 4 part series where I am expressing my perspective on the love languages. I have on many occasions credited Dr. Gary Chapman as my inspiration for following my line of thinking in regards to emotional languages, however, I do belief that I have a more practical view in certain respects, especially considering that I use my own experiences as examples. With all respect to Dr. Gary Chapman and any form of religion or faith you wish to practice, I believe that loves’ relationship with emotional health is based on our interpretation of love itself. How we wish to be loved, how we know to love, how we choose to love and what we know about love is all a matter of personal interpretation. We are each unique & complex individuals, with our own personalities and experiences molding us. Our personalities are 50% DNA and the rest is influenced by our peers, which means the environment that we are conditioned to as we grow and learn.
To love someone at a particular stage of any relationship becomes a choice, rather than a chemical, physical or emotional reaction. When we first fall in love with someone, it is not a conscious choice, but rather a reaction or a consequence of a chemical, physical or emotional state. As this state wears off and becomes less dominant, many other factors will enter into the complexity of an intimate relationship and emotional stimuli is ultimately the strongest and overriding of judging whether we want to make the effort and choose to love our current partner. If one day you wake up to find that you don’t love your partner, could it be that you didn’t think through the relationship past the honeymoon period? Are you really compatible and able to stimulate each other in a healthy emotional manner? Even a physical stimulus is ultimately an emotional one.
This to say that if you “learn to love” something or someone that is not natural to you, or a natural stimulus, then for all effects this relationship, and the effort required will over time emotionally and physiologically drain you. Yes you can learn to love, but at what price, to yourself and your partner? Do you not deserve to live your life to the fullest considering how short of a time we have on this planet? I am a hopeless romantic & I want every relationship to have a happy ending, and I have come to learn that when a relationship is built on the wrong foundation, unless one of the parties is naturally inclined to be on a transformational journey, then true love might only be expressed by letting go. On the same note, this thread is just a call to consciousness about the difference between “being in love” & “choosing to love”, as well as “learning to love”.