The Charminguy

Keeping your love tank full

Keeping the Love Tank Full – The Charminguys’ View on “Running on Empty”

The following are my brief points of view on the quotes in this years inaugural November 30th edition of Dr. Gary Chapman’s “The Love Language Minutes” newsletter.

Running on Empty
I liked the metaphor the first time I heard it: “Inside every child is an ‘emotional tank’ waiting to be filled. When a child really feels loved, he will develop normally, but when the love tank is empty, the child will misbehave. Their misbehavior is a misguided search for the love they did not feel. Many of their parents also suffer from an empty love tank, and much of the misbehavior of married individuals grows out of an empty love tank.

This is the 2nd of a 4 part series where I am expressing my perspective on the love languages. I have on many occasions credited Dr. Gary Chapman as my inspiration for following my line of thinking in regards to emotional languages, however, I do belief that I have a more practical view in certain respects, especially considering that I use my own experiences as examples. In my journeys across the world for the past 30 years, and more specifically since taking up my newfound “hobby” of empowering relationships through inspiring men to be more romantic & charming to the partners in their lives, I’d like to address emotional love languages in the context of all relationships, regardless of their legal status. Whilst recently reading Marcus Buckinghams’ book “Go Put Your Strengths To Work”, I came across his support of studies showing that “50% of our personality is DNA, whilst the remainder is influenced by our peers/environment as we grow-up”. It goes further to state that as we get older, we simply become more of who we truly are. The stress that we bring into our lives is when we fight against our natural strengths and against the loving nature we were born to be. This stress and resistance only brings about more pain & confusion, as well as influences us to “act on thoughts”, or make decisions, which are not aligned with our core values.

When our love tank is full, regardless of the nature of the relationship, be it business or pleasure, are we not more likely to be aligned with the genuine loving and emotionally generous nature that we all have within us? I read somewhere once that at the root of everything we do is either fear or love. At the core of every choice we make, reflects a reaction to fear or love, and this reaction is also subsequently influenced by our thoughts and beliefs of what we deem to be true, based on what has transpired in our lives to date.

The interjection of the influence of “thoughts” & “acting on thoughts”, and how they apply to the state of your emotional relationship with yourself first, and your surroundings second, is based on my interpretations of Byron Katie’s “Loving What Is”. In it, I have discovered how our thoughts gain particular meaning to us based on our past experiences, and as a reaction to those experiences, we act out of fear or love. It is therefore only natural to conclude, that when our love tank is empty, we will not ne able to act in alignment with the genuinely loving & generous nature we were born with, and most likely lost along the way as the majority of us passed into adolescence.

In essence, every relationship we have, whether of a personal, intimate, professional or casual nature, is directly influenced by the existing capacity of our emotional love tank. Reflecting on your own love tank, as well as those of the people you most love or congregate with, what is the current state of your/their love tank? And what can you do to fill it up?

Next weeks 3rd of this 4 part series will be "Speak Their Love Language".

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