The Charminguy

Keeping your love tank full

Keeping the Love Tank Full – The Charminguys’ View on “The Need for Love”

The following are my brief points of view on the quotes in this years inaugural November 30th edition of Dr. Gary Chapman’s “The Love Language Minutes” newsletter.

The Need for Love
Love is the most important word in the English language - and the most confusing. The apostle Paul said that in the last scene of the human drama, only three characters will remain: “faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.” Yet, love is a most confusing word. Our purpose is not to eliminate all the confusion, but rather to focus on the kind of love that is essential to our emotional health: the need to feel loved.

This is the 1st of a 4 part series where I am expressing my perspective on the love languages. I have on many occasions credited Dr. Gary Chapman as my inspiration for following my line of thinking in regards to emotional languages, however, I do belief that I have a more practical view in certain respects, especially considering that I use my own experiences as examples. Several months ago I attended a Dream University's® Inspiring Speaker workshop and was introduced to the methodologies of Arthur Joseph. As a featured guest presenter, Arthur demystified the myth that modern day mans greatest fear was public speaking. He went on to say that man’s greatest fear is “the fear of abandonment” and “the fear of ownership”. I have reflected on this and discussed it with many people along my travels and what is fascinating to realize is that most of the hang-ups we have in our relationships today are rotted in the fear of abandonment. This is an emotional issue, and in contrast to public speaking, most be mans greatest fear since creation, as before we cold even speak or had verbal language, we had gestures, we had emotional language and even a cave man can express Words of Affirmation with “a stroke” or “a smile”, provide a “gift”, an “act of service”, “quality time” and “touch” with having to utter a single word.

Therefore, and with all respect to Dr. Gary Chapman and any form of religion or faith you wish to practice, I believe that loves’ relationship with emotional health is indeed “the need to feel loved”, and to truly feel loved, your partners have to understand your natural emotional love language as well as choose to speak it in a fashion that is also natural to them. Otherwise, it will only be a fleeting attempt at what could have been.

Reflecting on your own experiences, why do you think most relationships start out “rosy” to only later become more about noticing the thorns vs. blossoms? How does that relate to our fear of abandonment and the decisions, discussions and even arguments that we get into with our most intimate relationships?

Next weeks 2nd of this 4 part series will be "Running on Empty".

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