Exit Strategy

[JC Duarte]

So you didn’t do your homework. You didn’t listen to the Charminguy and didn’t make your list. Now you’re stuck! You’ve made the commitment, she is in love with you and it’s not working for you. OK, this is the practical side of relationships that don’t work. Are you willing to listen to me now? Are you willing to stop the needless suffering and time wasted? At least have some integrity and do it properly!

As much as it might hurt, honesty is the best policy, unless the total truth won’t contribute to the future of a possible neutral or friendly relationship. What I’m talking about is that if you’ve been unfaithful, it’s too late now and neither of you is going to gain much by using that as an excuse. You might want to admit it if it’s to prove how your paths have separated so much that you just can’t remain faithful, but unless it’s going to contribute toward a healthy outcome, you might as well just admit that you made a mistake and that you just don’t love her as much as you once proclaimed.

If you see the end coming, if you’re living together and it feels more like friends than lovers, and you’re not willing to do something to improve the situation, then just have the talk. Allow both of yourselves to move on with the least amount of further pain. I’ve seen the most incredibly stupid, senseless and reckless ideas. The most “out there” one so far is a web site that actually breaks up with your girlfriend for you! Guys.. don’t do this.. or just delete this url and never come back here again! This is Charminguy, not “jerk of a coward guy”!

People grow apart and that’s the complexity of relationships. The better you prepare, and the more effort you put into one, once you’ve realized (or think you have) that “this is the one”, the longer and constant the reward is going to be. Let’s get one thing straight! Something any happily married couple will tell you.. I’m talking happily married in multiples of decades.. a GREAT relationship takes work! Now I don’t mean it has to be painful work. If you like your job/career then work is fun. I have fun coming up with surprises and experiences for my lady. If it ain’t fun, then that’s a sign of trouble.

So, if you do have to end a relationship, be sensitive to your partner and just be honest. Explain that you didn’t realize what you really wanted when you decided to take it to the next level and that it’s just not fair to go through the drudgery until you can’t stand the site of each other. Express to her what’s important to you and how it’s just not evolving in the current relationship.. you’ll tank me later I’m sure. Oh yeah.. and next time.. make your list and make sure you guys talk about what you expect from a relationship (not from each other) before you take it to the next level. Unless a person is already on a journey to change or improve, it ain’t gonna happen just because you think it will.